Imagine–a card from your late husband’s mother to you and your current husband that reads: “You’re Perfect Together”. (Displayed under the “mock” wedding bouquet that AJ brings home to me each anniversary.)
My husband AJ and I, just celebrated 3 years of marriage on New Years Day. He is my Chapter 2…my AMAZING Chapter 2. We started dating about a year after I was widowed with my 4 yr and 10 mo old. Everything about it felt wrong–at first. There are a lot of emotions that come to the table when starting a new relationship—especially when you didn’t want the last one to end. I am so grateful I put down my ego and saw a counselor to help me sort through one life ending and welcoming a new beginning.
It may be confusing to understand, but even an Anniversary with a Chapter 2 husband can be hard to process. After all, I married Kyle first, and planned to only marry once.
After years of dating, AJ proposed and we planned a whirlwind wedding in 10 days. I didn’t want the stress of a drawn out engagement and planning a wedding for months. It couldn’t have been more amazing. Of course, without my tribe of friends and family helping put every detail into place, there is no way we could have pulled it off.
A day before our 3rd Anniversary on Jan 1, I was brought to tears by a card that we received from my late husband’s mother, April. I am beyond blessed to have a mother-in-law that ran towards me and my children after losing Kyle, rather than away. It could possibly have been easier to be bitter and shut us (me) out. When that common denominator-being Kyle- was lost, the relationship could have easily faded away. Instead, she accepted my new husband AJ as if she had gained a son-in-law. (If you ever hear them together, it’s actually quite entertaining.) I hope that she has benefitted from keeping our relationship as much as I have. It would have been even harder losing my husband and his mom–our children’s Grandma, too.
I guess you could say AJ is blessed with double the number of mother-in-laws. I would be remiss to say, the mother-in-law I gained on his side of the family, couldn’t be any more amazing. She has accepted April as much as humanly possible.
When I see situations after loss where families are torn apart because of bitterness and grief, it is sad. It is all because of pride and bitterness. I have first hand, been the recipient of love and compassion from April, instead of anger and resentment. She was supportive of my choice to find love again. I haven’t regretted my decision for one second–and having her support has made that so much easier. I am a better person and our children are better people because my husband is in our lives. Heck, some days, I think he holds us all up. He has officially earned SAINT status in my book.https://mediazilla.com/Aon4f0252
I often wonder what my late husband Kyle would say. If he could send a message from Heaven, I think he would thank his Mom for continuing to love and support us. If I had to guess, he would also send AJ a firm handshake, thanking him for taking care of his family.
My hope is that someone can read this and maybe reconsider their outlook and attitude when life throws us curves. It really does help to treat bitterness and grief with LOVE… Our wedding day was truly the biggest bag of mixed emotions I could have ever imagined. She was in the front row to cheer us on. Thank you, April
Of course, I need to add our beautiful wedding day highlight video. It truly was magical in so many ways.
Until the next nap time,