GRIEF: So Much More Than Loss



This word is so much more than the dictionary says:  deep sorrow, trouble or annoyance.  There are so many “fingers” of grief.  It expands into our everyday lives every hour, minute, even second of the day.  It affects decision making, all emotions—not just sadness, and physical struggles.


I remember getting so overwhelmed shortly after I lost my late husband. The exhausting dinnertime/bathtime/bedtime routine at night, almost did me in.  I’m thankful for my next door neighbor, Dale, who would come over and just chase one kid, while I managed the other. Another instance where I was frozen with anxiety inside my car, outside of a grocery store.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  I was alone and didn’t know what to do. I wanted to call Kyle SO bad to help me. Being scared of this out of control feeling I was having, I called my Mom. She talked to me for a while until I calmed down enough to drive home.  Never in a million years did I think that I wouldn’t be able to control my emotions or allow feelings to take over.

I remember feeling so MAD that I had to assemble toys from Christmas. Kyle was suppose to be here to do that for them.













Loss by Default

It really is amazing to me that so many of us go years without loss.  It may sound pessimistic a bit, but reality is, we are all going to die.  We are all going to lose family, friends, and loved ones.  Why is there almost a hesitation for people to talk about that or admit it?  Yes, I’d rather live in my oblivious-to-grief bubble, but I think it would be a different world if everyone had the perspective that comes with loss.  This brings me to my next thought about how older people have experienced SO much loss, by default.


I see the older generation differently that I used to.  To me, (I loved old people—they were my FAV patients) people who have lived 60,70,80, 90+ years have seen and experienced SO much in life.  When I see older people watching me as a Mom with 3 kids, they think back to their time in their “golden years”, as my Mom would call them.  I often think—what are they thinking watching me? They are a wealth of knowledge that most young-er-ish people, want to ignore.  I am just as guilty as the next, at times.  I want to think I know it all and do everything right (almost laughable to me).  I don’t. I pray often that to keep the perspective I need, to be focused on MY seasons of life. I do not want my focus to be on perfection, acting like a popular social butterfly, being the “perfect” mom/wife on Facebook.  That is all SO exhausting!

One of my all-time favorite “Old” people ever. My Grandpa Christin.

I think I went off on a bit of a tangent…again.  Even though I have experienced an unimaginable loss, losing my late husband when he was 32, it is inevitable.  To all of us. I encourage everyone to keep their attitude in check, focus on the season of their life and all its greatness, because if you/we are lucky enough to experience being “old”, we want to look back and smile and not with regret.


Until the next naptime,


Sarah Deatherage Steele

I am a Mom of 3, re-married widow, dental hygienist, fresh food snob, grief supporter for widows, and the creator of Comforting Keepsakes Sympathy Gifts.  My husband, AJ and I hand make and finish every detail of our Memory Boxes, in our garage! I love my family and friends, second chances, exploring new places, and of course food!

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