First Quarter of 2019….See Ya!
Long time, no blog! Life has been full of blessings, and a few set backs in the last few weeks. Since the beginning of the year, we have moved, had two birthday parties, added a puppy, taken a much needed family vacation, and dealt with a few sicknesses here and there.
We built our new home and sold our old! Actually, that’s not true…we sold our old, then built our new. That was good motivation to move forward with a plan that we thought was in the more distant future. Our Comforting Keepsakes business has been growing, and I’m tired of my car sporting the dusty sawdust look on the daily. We needed a shop to build our boxes in.
Anyway….so, back when my late husband Kyle and I were still married, we purchased a lot across the street from our current home in our subdivision. We had been in that house since we were married, and Kyle had been living there since he was a kid. Kyle bought the house from his parents, shortly before we married. We loved the location, the neighbors, and that the lot across the street was a small, low maintenance lot. Neither Kyle or I were big on yard work…. We closed on our lot 5 months before Kyle was killed.
Eventually, I tried to sell the lot. Almost my way of saying that my future was over, so it needed to go too. Unfortunately/fortunately, it wasn’t selling. I stared at this blank piece of ground every single day for years.
To keep myself busy, and to have something to look forward to, I remodeled most of our old house. Starting with the living room, I installed a gas fireplace. This super-power of a sense I had to be able to care for the kids by myself was overwhelming. We seemed to have frequent power outages, especially in the winter, so I wanted to know I could keep our home warm. Of course, it had to be cute. Then, I moved on to the kitchen and interior doors. Bye, bye oak hollow doors and ugly, dirty looking brass handles. See ya never again, baby blue countertops and leaking patio door.
I learned from my counselor that having something (even small things) planned to look forward to is essential in the grieving process, because it encourages moving forward. I try to always have something exciting, a trip, or visit with a friend planned.
After the house was essentially all updated, I needed a new project. At this point, I had been in a steady relationship with AJ, my now husband. I looked into hiring a contractor to build “my and Kyle’s house” on the empty lot, before AJ was even in the picture. Kyle would have loved it. It was our plan, and I was moving forward with it. Almost as if I needed to do this to close that chapter of my life.
Judgements were plenty and unnecessary during all of these fairly big decisions that I made. Somedays it bothers me more than others. Luckily, today is one of those days where I will gladly say “go fly a kite”, if needed. Lots of decisions have followed this big changes and there will, without a doubt, be many more to come.
Until the next naptime,